Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
