is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
