between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize