I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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