What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
