I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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