And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
