didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
