i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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