Got a toothbrush?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
