just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
