her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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