This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
