that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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