someone owes me an orgasm
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
