i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
