i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
