he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
