There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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