One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
