i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
