Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
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