I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
