Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
