I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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