Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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