i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
