some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize