So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
