did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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