The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
