Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
