dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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