This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
