I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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