a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
