Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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