so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
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