Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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