I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
