I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Randomize
