I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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