At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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