So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
