he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
