I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
