He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
