Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
