You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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