all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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