If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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