I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
