I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
