omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
