okay pat passed out under dana's car
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
