His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
