What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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