I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
