marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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