Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
