everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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