Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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