What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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