he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
as a side note pls kill me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
