please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize