i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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