Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
