I am in a vortex of obligation.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
