i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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