i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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