some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
