...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
