I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
