I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
