I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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