I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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