I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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