Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
