Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
