forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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