What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
