Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
