She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
