Is it normal to miss your booty call?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
