I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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