She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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