My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
