its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
