I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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