the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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