I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
