I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm at about main and main street
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
