if you like me you must not know who I am
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
