ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
