Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
