Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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