Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
