she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
