When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I stole a fireplace last night.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
