Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
