Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
