what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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