My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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