I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize