Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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