I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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