are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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