You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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