if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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