I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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