She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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