"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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